The Update

Ok...So I've been here for a little more than a week and a lot has happened.  Rather than give you a Rupprecht-like run through on every little detail, let me just cover some initial surprises and we'll call it good.

Surprise #1: No one here speaks English
That's a lie.  Many people speak English.  But not nearly as many people as I thought coming in.  Those that do speak English are normally too uncertain in their own ability to approach me.  Until they get drunk of course, and then they want to know everything about America and what sports teams I like and whether high school was like American Pie or not.  Then the next day when I try to talk to them they apologize for making a fool out of themselves and tell me that their English is not up to snuff and they can't talk right now bye.

Of course, there are several great English speakers who have pretty much kept me alive since I've arrived.  But they're not the norm.  And they're all under the age of 27.  Which means that if you have to have your paperwork approved by 15 different departments staffed by 15 different old ladies, you're up shit's creek.

Surprise #2: Apparently I'm an English Teacher
First conversation with my boss:
Boss (one of the few 40 somethings that speaks English, albeit mostly broken): Greetings
Shawn: Professor Witchovsky, thank you so much for this oppor...
Boss: You will teach English 150 hours this semester.
Shawn: Ok, but how...
Boss: Iwona will give you the details, let me introduce you to your department head...

And that was it.  And the details were skimpy.  Two classes, once a week plus some private lessons to Asian students on the side.  No materials.  No instruction on how I'm supposed to do this,.  Just a location and a roster.  But teaching English is easy, right?

And lets not forget that my real job here is to be the student government adviser/director of student activities.  Yeah, that's still on.

Surprise #3: (Relatively) Great Running!
The area I'm in doesn't exactly scream 'running mecca'.  Has anyone ever been to Morgantown, WV in February?  Sort of like that.  Only way more post-communist-industrial-behemoth.

So it was quite to my surprise that less than a block away from my dorm is a wonderful little park.  And if you run through that park and cross a highway (Mainers think Rt 1, Juniatians think Rt 22, Massholes think Rt 7) you get to a much larger park.  And if you run a mile and a half to the end of that park you get into these sprawling community gardens (like 500 acres worth) that are parceled off to 2,000 different citizens (more on these later).  And then after you've run through that there's yet another park with the feel of a very much scaled-down central park.  In all there's probably 6-7 miles one-way without really hitting much pavement.

While on my first run through these parks I noticed that everyone had their dog unleashed.  As I  approached the first unleashed pup, I readied myself for a sprint and desperately tried to prepare some sort of way to communicate to the owner (and dog) that I didn't particularly care for a chase.  But then, like magic, I ran by the dog and it didn't so much as fart.  Every other dog I've passed has elicited the same reaction: indifference!  My first impulse was to be delighted and amazed at the ability of Polish owners to train their dogs so well.  But then I realized that these dogs are probably just the last bastions of a communist way of life that demanded strict obedience and discouraged volition.  And that's when I began to appreciate (if only for a brief second) being chased by some devilish (but truly free) dobermans one day in Livermore Falls, Maine.

Surprise #4  Where art thou Peanut Butter?
I knew there would be some comfort items not available to me here: NESN, Allagash White Ale, and Man vs. Wild Marathons come to mind.  But one thing I was assured of was that Peanut Butter would be readily available.  In all of its various forms.  I need not worry.

Well that's bullshit.

It took me about 12 days of harrowed searching to come across the salty-smooth treat, and when I finally laid thine eyes on thous sumptuous bounty, it whilst be devoid of several of its relations, and instead offered in the standard chunky and creamy varieties that you can probably get at 7-11 or Sheetz.  But instead of commiserating about the amount of trans-fat I was about to intake, I did what any other warm-blooded American would do and promptly bought 8 jars of the stuff and lathered it all over every other item I had purchased on the bus ride home.  And oh...at that moment...I was oh so close to heaven.

Ok, there are many other surprises i could detail, but its getting late and I have an early morning work-required physical/piss test (which I administer myself prior to arriving at the doctor's- apparently swapping samples is not a problem here, or as my Polish friend put it: "In Poland, unlike America, we just trust each other to do what is right."  I think she was joking, but nevertheless I was reminded of Hobbes "Leviathan" and it was a very long thought indeed.)